My learning's and reflections are an outcome of several "women in leadership programs" facilitated for over 100 women managers. Women managers across both middle and senior management levels with experience ranging from 10 plus to 15 years of experience. A few significant themes seem to recur across all the workshops. The dilemmas that emerge repeatedly are around women's own sense of identity; identity being very closely tied to their roles at work and at home; the affirmations that they sought at both work and at home; or key enablers namely self awareness (50%) motivation (25) and willingness to build the skills (25%) according to the 2008 Pfeiffer Annual Leadership Development data. It goes back to the individuals to actively seek diverse experiences and assignments that shape their identity. Boot-camps since times immemorial have played a crucial role in offering these experiences in a structured environment. Leadership Camps like the one attended by Kees Van Der Graaf, Ex Unilever's President of Europe and Board member was a defining moment in his life. The outbound leadership retreat helped him calibrate his goals and stay true to himself. He talks about the importance of such camps in his book "defining moments". Warren Bennis and Robert J Thomas in their classic book "Geeks and Geezers" talk of the notion of crucible experience. According to the authors crucible is defining and difficult moments that shape leaders, galvanize them and gives them a distinctive voice. Crucibles can be both sought after or can be thrust upon.

How does one assimilate and integrate the learning's from crucible experiences? During the process of integrating the new with the old, very often little voices pop up in our heads that keeps murmuring and telling us what to do. They often want us to slip back into our old ways of doing things.

Challenge your own myths and stereotypes. Very often it is an innocuous comment we heard in our foundational years and it comes back to haunt us. These little voices or gremlins sometimes play truant and if we are not emphatic enough it casts a web and clouds our thinking. The only effective way to conquer these little gremlins is by identifying our own myths and stereotypes, and choosing to challenge them through the constant need to meet the role expectation of others and the need to seek approvals. Literature review across India and the west echoes similar thoughts. So the next question is what are the reasons for this?

Is it our socialization experiences that form the bedrock of identity? How is identity and role development nurtured? How much is influenced by social, political and cultural underpinnings? Is it the same across genders and generations? How different are the millennial? It was so interesting to note that in the workshop through role plays women intuitively took on stereotypical roles repeatedly without even batting an eyelid. Does this mean that social coding is really hard to do away with and is wired innately? With women entering the workforce in large numbers and redefining the social milieu; these themes need to be understood and addressed. Women seem to be caught between trying to play multiple roles and excel in each of the roles. At the intersection of the roles is where the role identity conflict begins to emerge.
According to developmental psychologist Erik Erikson our identity is shaped during our formative years largely through our role models, caregivers and key influencers during these years. A lot of these questions have plagued researchers and the one universal factor that plays a determining role is the individual's notion and the willingness to go beyond threshold. Crucible or the transformational experience that shape and define a leader play a determining role in developing the leader's identity. What role could organizations play if any in developing role identity?

As we know for any successful leadership development to take place it is a combination of three elements; effective dialogue with a coach or a trusted colleague or a partner. It is hard to question a habit that is so ingrained and feels a part of us; patience is the cornerstone of reworking through this process.

Know your strengths and developmental areas Identify early on what you do well, what you enjoy doing and what are your weaknesses. Given the plethora of psychometric profilers today it is probably only wise that one chooses a particular profiler carefully. 360 degree feedback instrument is a perception tool when deployed effectively gives deep insights. Seeking feedback from managers, bosses and peers can be extremely rewarding and beneficial.

Psychologist Martin Seligman the founder of positive psychology stresses on fostering the strengths of the individual across the years and from early on rather than focus on weaknesses (American Psychologist2000). Mckinsey developed a Centered Leadership model for women to understand their enablers and drivers. One of the dimensions is focused on finding one's own strengths and leveraging it. Research findings reflect that women find it harder to talk of their strengths and to project themselves positively. Women seem to be caught between trying to play multiple roles and excel in each of the roles and at the intersection of the roles is where the role identity conflict begins to emerge. With all the pulls and pushes that women experience the spiral of self doubt seems to cast a net quite often. This net of self doubt is often self created and has an immobilizing effect on many.

Develop one's own self esteem and confidence helps combat the net of self doubt. Why is it even more important for women leaders? Given the multiple roles that women play and juggle with it is very often marked by intense emotional periods of ups and downs. During those periods it is extremely important to have self faith and belief in oneself. The need for "likeability" and assurance from those who matter Vs "doing what is right" is extremely important. The one most important ingredient that I believe is central to breaking the mould is willingness to bring about a change in one's own worldview. This entails preparedness in making a tectonic shift from wanting to be liked, seeking approvals and affirmations from those who matter to now creating and redefining a new self. This can be hard, frustrating and sometimes even laborious. This process is fraught with anxiety, confusion and a desire to often fall back on past solutions and strategies.

Resilience and faith in one's own abilities plays an instrumental role in crafting and defining a new identity. Positive psychology movement focused on building resilience and learning courage as a skill. American psychologist Millenial issue 2000 Jan focused on understanding the positive drivers of personality namely optimism, resilience and courage. Managing oneself is also around the willingness to confront one's own fears, blind spots and weaknesses. The courage to make adjustments, recalibrate and follow your dreams is truly reflective of who you are. Clarity to understand what are one's own drivers, enablers, motives and behaviours is the cornerstone to effective leadership. The courage to make choices which on the prima facie look contradictory; and to yet feel good about the decisions taken is practiced art. Let me illustrate this with an example; the need to be present for two events one at home and the other at work, both being equally important and prestigious. Both come with their set of pay offs and choices. Choosing one over the other, to be present for one and not the other does have a cascading effect on either of the spheres either work or home. The willingness to make a choice and to be comfortable with the choice made is a sign of understanding one's own preferences and drivers. Ed Schein's foundational work on career anchors can be a good starting point to delve further. Psychometric profilers like the PAPI (personality and preference inventory) and FIRO B can also provide a good insight into the drivers and preferences. It is also important to realize that drivers and motives change over life and career stages.
Ask for mentorship early on in your career A mentor is someone who provides guidance, coaching and feedback at all stages in one's career. A mentor could be both within the organization or external to the
organization. The mentor plays a dual role of both a sounding board and a role model. The Women in leadership literature is replete with stories of women who worked closely with a mentor and found it immensely beneficial to bounce ideas, seek guidance and successfully navigate the leadership maze.

Alice H. Eagly and Linda L. Carli in the article "Women and the Labyrinth of Leadership" use the labyrinth as a metaphor to connote a complex journey to the top which is attainable while navigating the twists and the turns. Their research also points to the stereotypical perceptions and it's role makes it harder for women to navigate the labyrinth. The answer is not a straightforward easy solution but a determined and willing approach to navigate the twists and turns that show up at each step of the way
Women by the inherent nature of playing multiple roles and trying the delicate balance of work and home, followed by life and career stages are confronted by choices and dilemmas; some navigate it while others get lost in the maze, some even give up trying to make sense of the world around them. Navigating the maze with all the twists and turns is not easy but "giving up even before the turn shows up is a sin" as often quoted by Sheryl Sandberg the chief operating officer of Facebook.
The four pronged approach that organizations can leverage on to help women leaders navigate the maze

• Offer life and career coaching opportunities which imparts a holistic perspective of life, builds self confidence. Helps women leaders understand and consciously make informed choices. Career discussions and career coaching sessions and data from multi- rater feedback with the manager around possible roles and career development plan is extremely useful. Coaches and mentors go a long way to provide a patient ear and act as sounding boards.

• Provide a platform where women can mentor and reverse mentor and learn from each other, and share their own stories, trials and tribulations. Such forums address the need to connect and share.

• Diversity sensitization workshops for everyone embody the concept in letter and spirit goes a long way to build awareness amongst seniors, peers and co-workers.

• Confront and challenge mindset, beliefs, and assumptions. Our socialization experiences are replete with gender coding. We now have a choice whether to let one's own socialization experiences bind us or be willing to make choices and payoffs. Self belief determination and persistence hold the keys to stay in the maze.

So, what are you waiting for break the mould and don't be afraid. As a great poet once said 'what use are possibilities if not explored?"