Learning To Accept

Tell yourself difficult situations are a part of life and you will be better prepared to handle them. You may not be able to wish away stress but you can deal with it.

 

Work life is no bed of roses. Those of us in business know that for a fact. Sure, there are positives, a feeling of self-worth and job satisfaction, true contribution to the success of our organisations, a fat bonus or a better title to take home, nods of approval from peers and managers and increased self-esteem, most of all. But there are thorns too, and when these thorns, in the form of difficult situations, tear into us, it's a test of character indeed.

 

How do we respond to difficult situations of all breeds and colours that we are likely to be faced with in our working lives? In the way we cope, or don't cope, lies our future, or the lack of it.

 

The most common response is denial. There is a natural human tendency the world over to mentally resist facing difficult situations. This doubles the trouble — the difficult situation is in itself a problem and the mental unwillingness to face it creates a second, more important problem.

 

When we are in the grip of this mental unwillingness we trigger a set of problems best remembered with the acronym MONStress.

 

M – Magnification of the problem

 

This is a phenomenon which arises when we are mentally resisting dealing with a difficult situation. Say we have a difficult colleague to deal with. Someone who creates conflict for us in daily work life.

 

By mentally being resistant to the difficulty, we will imagine the worst, maybe even that the colleague is trying to oust us from our position in the company, deliberately blocking our jobs and carrying tales to the boss. While part of it could be true, the persecution complex we are building makes us read more into things than warranted.

 

O – Obstruction of problem-solving skills

 

This is a side-effect of unwillingness, as we get trapped in a resisting mind and can't think of creative ways to solve the difficulty – something that can be achieved with a calm mind. When we have imagined the worst of the colleague with whom we are in conflict, for instance, we are so consumed with the problem, we overlook the simple step of a frank chat, “I need you to communicate what you are doing on Project A, can we have the templates you have created too?” could be a conflict resolution dialogue starter. Another solution could be mediation by a neutral third person. Such things may start solving the issue, but our mind taking us on a downward spiral blocks solution-oriented steps.

 

N – Negative thinking

 

This is another fallout of unwillingness to face a difficult situation. It is a fact universally acknowledged that negative thoughts attract negative events in our life, as Rhonda Byrne says in her inspiring book The Secret - which promotes the simple formula of ‘Ask for what you want, Believe you can and Act as though you have achieved, and the Universe conspires to let you have it'.

 

If you constantly say to yourself, “Maybe the boss will sack me, maybe I will be asked to leave”, ... there's a good chance of that actually happening! Instead, we need to be thinking: “I have achieved my revenue target of Rs 1 crore for this project.” Feel the way you will when you have achieved it and then work for it, it will happen.

 

Stress is the major outcome of unwillingness to deal with difficult situations and we all know stress causes a set of physical ailments and psychological problems.

 

Thus, a MONStress situation is created by our unwillingness to face difficulties.

 

Indian philosophy, which is by and large acquiescent and accepting, has an answer — develop an attitude of willingness to deal with difficulties which we are bound to face in life. This willingness comes if we invite within us three ideas which comprise the essence of Acceptance Meditation. (This doesn't so much mean sitting cross-legged and still, it has more to do with training the mind to adopt a particular attitude.) These are the three ideas:

 

 

Unpleasant situations can't be wished away, they're a necessary part of life. They have to be dealt with head-on. People will be people. If a team member has a difficult personality, so be it; leverage people for their strengths and move on.

 

 

When difficult situations come up, remedial steps are required. But there is also a need to accept the inevitable, knowing that it is but temporary.

 

 

When difficulties arise, we need to focus on the fact that we will come out of them purer, stronger and wiser, and with lessons learnt. The conflict with the colleague, for instance, where you used unnecessary words, escalates to the boss who pulls you up, there is a mediation, your colleague is shifted to a different department and you learn not to have knee-jerk reactions. You learn to bite your tongue, she learns to work harder, your boss is happier with the new, more productive team.

 

Thus the practice of Acceptance Meditation helps get rid of a MONStress burden on our minds, and we are able to not just endure, but thrive in our work and in our personal lives.