By Tan Soh Hiang 
25/1/2010
Many managers express apprehension at the prospect of helping a distressed subordinate – how can weparticipate in this delicate process without making things worse? Here are five pointers to get you started.

SHOW GENUINE CARE AND CONCERN
Think back to a time when you were the beneficiary of true care and what it meant to you. Genuine concern does not always require verbalization, and you can be sure that your subordinate will be able to feel it. There will also be secondary gains for the organization if handled well.

TONE OF VOICE AND GESTURE ARE A PART OF THE MESSAGE
Most communication is non-verbal. Pay attention to the tone and pitch of voice you use. To convey concern, use a lower pitch and tone of voice. Maintain comfortable eye contact so you can read the person’s facial expressions and discern the response. Maintain an open posture to indicate an invitation to talk and a readiness to listen. It is best not to talk across a big table which may heighten a sense of distance.

START WITH THE POSITIVE
This will loosen the person up. Actively express positive statements, preferable based on concrete observations: for example, “I notice you’ve been staying late most nights to work – I do appreciate the contributions you have made to the company.”

STATE YOUR PURPOSE – BE CLEAR UPFRONT
This helps put people at ease and reduces second guessing.
Start with the following:
“I would like to talk to you about…”
“I am concerned about…”
“I wonder how the recent crisis has impacted you?”
“I would like to see how I can make it easier for everyone.”
“I wonder what kind of support I can provide. Do you have any
suggestion?”

LEAVE IT OPEN
Your subordinate may not respond to your gestures immediately – don’t be surprised. Your intervention may not have been anticipated, and not enough time may have passed for proper processing. Leave the invitation open and allow things to progress at your subordinate’s own pace.
Don’t hesitate to speak to your work life coach if you continue to experience difficulties communicating with your employees. He/she can work with you through your people management challenges in a safe and confidential environment.

The author is a consultant. The article is courtesy Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Ltd. It was published in its Work Life Compass magazine for the month of January, 2010