By Nandini Biswas
22/02/2010
“I'm never going to do this well", John repeatedly tells himself as he comes ever closer to the project’s deadline. "My boss is right, I'll never amount to much." Distracted,he thinks about yet another presentation he has to make next week. "Ugh," he says to himself. "I bet I will make a mess of the presentation!"
We all have a mental picture of who we are, how we look, what we're good at, and what our weaknesses might be. We develop this picture over time, starting when we're very young. Self-image is the term used to refer to a person's mental picture of himself or herself, and is based on interactions with other people and personal life experiences. This mental picture contributes to our self-esteem.
Self-esteem is all about how much we feel valued, loved, accepted, and thought well of by others — and how much we value, love, and accept ourselves. People with healthy self-esteem are able to feel good about themselves, appreciate their own worth, and take pride in their abilities, skills, and accomplishments. People with low self-esteem may feel as if no one will like them or accept them, or that they can't do well in anything.
Having positive self-esteem is the first step towards happiness and a better life. Self-esteem improves our confidence. If we have confidence, we will reach out for new challenges and will improve our relationships. Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can cause us to be unhappy and insecure.
Self-esteem develops throughout our lives based on our experiences with different people and activities. The way we are treated by our immediate family and the people who are close to us in childhood can have a significant impact on our self-esteem. Probable reasons for low self-esteem include negative experience with family members early in life, being teased by friends or teachers on a regular basis, etc. We can also develop a tendency for low self-esteem modelling our parents, as they often pass on their fears and emotional difficulties without even noticing it.
The good news is that self-image changes over time. So if you feel that you are suffering from low self-esteem, you can take steps to improve it. Here are a few things that you can do right away, everyday, to enhance your self-esteem:
ACCEPT YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE
No one is perfect. Instead of thinking about what you are lacking, consider what is unique about you. It is said that the greatest achievement is successful self-acceptance. You will find that you are most comfortable with others if you are comfortable with yourself.
FACE YOUR FEARS
Fears can be real or imagined. Two of our most common fears are the twin evils of failure and rejection. Real fears have a protective function – they send signals to get our resources in order before we embark on a new venture. For example, feeling “afraid” to start your own business when your financial reserves are lacking is a healthy fear. By contrast, imagined fears are obstacles. Such fears can be unreasonable or paralyzing. In most cases, people intensify their fears by obsessing on the worst-case scenarios.Imagined fears are time and energy consuming, and tend to hold you back from achieving your goals.
Assess your fears carefully. If your fear is real, then expand your resources and strategies to deal with it. If your fear is imagined, analyze what is stopping you from getting what you want in life.
LEARN FROM YOUR FAILURES
Don’t take failures or rejections too seriously. It is not the end of the world if you fail. Einstein once said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” So look at the positives in each failure; you can learn from it and improve next time.
Think back to the time you learned to ride a bicycle. You probably fell several times, but with each fall, you’d have gotten up and brushed off the dust. Before you knew it, you’d become pretty good at it. The same applies here. You have to work on your skills to overcome your failures. See failure or rejection as a part of life. Redefine and reframe it in your mind to lessen the negative emotional impact and the fear. Regard failure as feedback. Listen to the advice that failure gives and you will improve.
FORGET ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE BEYOND YOUR CONTROL
Being preoccupied with things in life that you cannot control (such as the weather, the traffic, other people’s attitudes and problems, etc.) will stress you out. You can relieve yourself of a lot of stress by letting go of these unnecessary worries. Rather, shift your attention to things that you can take charge of. Perhaps you cannot control the situation, but you can control your own response to it and how you want it to affect you for the rest of your life.
TRY NEW THINGS
Experiment with different activities that will help you get in touch with your talents and take pride in new skills you develop.
Feeling good about yourself can be especially difficult when you are having a difficult time, or when others are overly critical. Don’t let this prevent you from building a positive self-esteem. Look for support from friends or loved ones, or speak to a professional work life coach who can talk you through your challenges and feelings. Finally, lead a balanced and healthy lifestyle, and do things you enjoy. Appreciate yourself for your achievements and remember to think positively.
The author is a consultant with leading EAP provider Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Ltd. The article is courtesy HDAP.
